Skydiving

Well, I've got to be honest here. I first ran this post on Christmas day, a month after Tyler and I went skydiving. One of my three favorite sons, Jacob , accompanied us, but was grounded as mom said no way to three of us on the same jump. (Does that mean T and I are expendable?) It took me until now, February 19, 2006 to write about our experience. So, here we go. How on earth do you describe something that very few people can relate to? I'm not boasting, I'm stating a fact. Although many people have gone skydiving, it turns out that number is miniscule in relation to the general populace. Hence, it is safe to say that only a handful have actually plummeted out of the sky at breakneck speed. I was under the assumption that maybe they'd just pull our chute as we hopped out of the plane. Nope. So I'll start at the beginning.

After a weigh in and signing eight pages of releases that more or less say, in differing languauge, "you can die, you might die, you will possibly die, you may expire, you are preparing to terminate...", well you get the drift.
Then on to a quick lesson in basics from your T1 instructor (Tamdem, first time, doesn't know nothing designation) and a run through of what to expect as well as the big question. My guy was considerably smaller than me and he asked, " now, you're not going to try to wrestle with me, are you? I mean, if you are going to go wacko up there, clue me in now." I calmly replied, "no...I don't think so." I got the feeeling that others had previously freaked out on him at 2.5 miles elevation and left a few mental scars. Time to suit up. Man, almost felt like football and the adrenaline started pumping. Complete jump suit, harness and my good ole tennies. Guess shoes don't really matter as my instructor wore sandals. It was comforting to hear that he had jumped so many times that he was the only one allowed not to wear shoes. (8100 minutes in the sky falling to earth as I recall). So, we sit around and one at a time everyone is prepared, then the loudspeaker calls for all to report to the loading area. As I heard the engines of the plane that we were walking toward, I thought wooow, this is it. We all load in a certain order, with Tyler and his instructor behind me and my instructor in front of them, then me and a whole group of folks piled up to the rear door. Everyone is talking quietly as we sit single file on two parallel benches, all facing the rear of the plane, packed like sardines laying against each other. Suddenly, as the door closes down, everything is blurred out and we begin to move. The engines are roaring as we head for the end of the runway. Throttle down, a quick u-turn and throttle up to full blast down the runway. The rear falls out and the plane lurches up at a 45 degree angle, hauling a bunch of ass up into the wild blue yonder. I look sideways out the window as the ground is leaving us behind. As we continue climbing, my instructor thumps me on the shoulder with a fist. That's a signal and he's yells, " you O.K.?". I said, " Yep, just focusing on the situation and no time to talk." At a certain point, as I review my mental notes, I sense we are approaching the drop zone. "O.k. Jacob, stand up and sit on my lap. " "Exqueeze me?" "Sit down on my lap so I can strap you down." Now, not that I'm homophobic, but I'm homophobic as I sit on this guy's lap. Soon he is running through a checklist of snaps, out loud, and checking each one. One,two, three, four..up to eight and tightening each one until, after pushing me off his lap to sit between his legs, we are one. A final tug on each strap and I can feel both of us inhaling and exhaling in unison. "O.k., when I tell you to move toward the door, we've got to move. Do you understand?" Yes, I nod. I reached my hand way back over my shoulder and Tyler grabbed it reassuringly. We couldn't talk, but we could still communicate. Suddenly, we're there and the rollup door is zipped open. There warm air exits the cabin instantly and there is nothing but cold air rushing about. The green light goes on and suddenly, they are gone. The entire rear of the cabin is hooting and hollering expletives as they exit instantly as a group. Then it's "scoot, scoot, scoot!" as we move into que at the door. Feet together, head back, thumbs in my harness, I momentarily tried to grab a bar above the door and he yells, "thumbs in your harness!". I as put my thumb back, he rotates us and out we goooooo......falling so fast, like a 400 pound boulder strapped together. A veritable human rocket out of the sky, we continued to plummet for over sixty seconds...over one mile. When we finally stabilized, he thumps me on the shoulder as a signal that it's allright to remove my thumbs and fly, hands out, and relax. The more you relax, the more fun you have. He spins us to the right to look at the horizon and then spins us to the left once, twice, three times and then aims at a cloud below us. Suddenly , we enter the cloud and all is white and cold. I thought to myself, "God, am I already in heaven? It's so white..." total disorientation prevails and then... blue sky, daylite and Wham! He popped our chute as we exited the bottom of the cloud and proudly asks, "How was that Jacob?" Holy shit was all I could think. "Holy Shit! that was something else!"was al I could say. And it was. Probably the most exciting single thing I've ever done in my life. And I did it with one of my son's on our birthdays. He turned 19 and I turned fifty. I may not be the perfect dad, but I ain't bad. Not bad at all. Realizing that all was well now as I had just seen my life flash before me, I thought about how much I loved my sons and my wife as I floated though the sky. My mother had told me, "if you're going to do this, make sure you say something to God while you're that close to heaven." I did, I can assure you. And then...I was back on earth again as we skidded to a stop on our rear ends. I thought how good the warm sun felt on my face as I looked up at the clouds in complete awe, realizing how small and insignificant we really are.


Skyding 2005

Christmas dinner

Have you ever tried to have an elegant dinner that just turned out wrong. Then another time, a simple dinner turns out great, with little or no planning. (Ya sure, I'll bet my wife might not agree with that. I did notice her buzzing around a bit). Well, for my part, and a very important part it was, it was easy as pie. Or in this case rib roast. My momma always told me to buy the small end of a rib roast and I never forget some things. So, I did exactly that. The other week, I bought two reprinted Bettter Homes and Gardens Cookbooks at the grocery store. The manager, Chris saw me looking and asked if I wanted one. I asked "how cheap?" He said , "For you, $1.00" Man, does it pay sometimes to be a good guy. About four years ago, I tackled a shoplifter and held his scawny, dishonest butt for about 10 minutes until the cops cuffed him. I'm still a hero in my own mind and Albertson's still gives me preferential treatment. Not a bad deal. Anyway, I bought both available copies of the cookbook for $2.00. So, getting to my belated point, I sold one on Ebay for $15.68 with shipping and opened the other today. A complete reprint of the 1953 cookbook. I looked up rib roasts, seasoned that baby with Tony Cachere's "More Seasoning", put in in the oven for about three hours at 375 and settled in to the difficult task of smelling it roast in the oven. Damn, it was medium/medium rare and it was awesome. Couldn't have done it any better if I had actually put effort into it. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, my little bee was buzzing around. She had already baked a pumpkin pie and one pecan, then whipped up home made mashed potatoes (my kids have never tasted instant mashed potatoes), corn, and some fresh rolls out of the oven with an ice cold glass of milk. Shoot, I might have to go back and eat again. The roast was perfect and juicy, and you know the rest. It will definitely go down in the West Texas Cope's history book as the Christmas dinner of '05.

Ipod Christmas

So, I decided to get Tyler, my son an Ipod Nano. The website said clearly, "order today for free next day delivery". So I ordered it on Dec 21, and poof that thing was on my doorstep the next day. Woooow!, I'm impressed! So, Mrs. Santa Claus tells me, "oh didn't you know that's what Jacob wanted for Christmas...".

Damn, Mr Claus is trying to finish the week out at work before Christmas and can't order it until I get home. My elf assistant had already checked, and if I order by Dec 22, they will still give me free overnite delivery. Ok, ok . I'm goin' as fast as I can. So, I hop on line and smooth as glass I log on to my personal account with Apple and order the same thing, different color. (Your choice is white or black, no personal engraving). Easy as pie. Now let me mention that the first one came from California, a skip and a jump across the US to my door. The next day, I check my FedEx tracking and there's a problem. Seems I missed the FedEx pickup time. No problem, I still have the 23rd and the 24th to get here. "Ahhh, not so fooost, mista amerwican, dis ipod come from diffwent locashun!" Say what? I see it finally shipped, from Shenzhen, Cn. Hmmmm. Not look like Caleeforneea. So I search Yahoo and find my order is coming from a quaint little town 25 miles east of Hong Kong. Is that in California? Then on the Sennen-Chi, Jp. Is that outside Santa Monica? Now, I know it's not coming from the left coast. Gosh, I wonder if it will be here on time for Christmas. No sweat, let's just go sing some Carols at St. Clement's and relax.
***************************************************
Well, it's showtime! Christmas morning has arrived and my Ipod, as promised is in the good 'ol USA. Anchorage, Alaska to be exact. And somehow, I doubt that I'm going to receive my Chinese takeout on time for this morning's festivities. Ahhh, Christmas. Relax, enjoy, and know that after all your hard work, finally, everything just falls together. ;)

Pass it on..

As I stood impatiently behind a guy at the corner store, he nervously wrote a check for some groceries and a tank of gas. I know the clerk, and she wasn't as nice to him as she always is to me. I was thinking two things. One, I'm in a hurry and this guy's backing up the line and two, what kind of knucklehead buys groceries at the corner store. The prices are next to highway roberry. While Janet, the clerk ran his check for approval, I used my time to continue to size this guy up. Hmm, a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and roll of toilet paper. No cokes. No beer. Just a tank of gas. When Janet told him his check was declined, I swear I thought the guy was going to cry. He quietly excused himself and said he would be back. In an effort to make me happy, Janet pushed his stuff aside and waited on me apologetically. At that point, I wasn't happy, I just wondered what happened to him. I walked outside with my diet Coke and saw him sitting at the gas pump. He wasn't going anywhere fast. Not being known for my sympathy, I knocked on his window and scared the guy. He rolled down his window and I reached for my last bill, which happened to be a twenty. I handed it to him and said quietly, " here man, go get your groceries" I think the guy was in shock. He looked me in the eye and said, "God bless you, I promise I'll pass it on when I get my turn."

Bush speaks the truth

Once again, in a simple fashion, George W. Bush has laid it out on the table. Frankly, I still had it from the beginning, but there are people who need to hear it repeated. We are winning in Iraq, but it is not over. We still must continue to fight, even when most Americans are weary of the subject. Damn if I know how they can separate Iraq from the big ball called the "War on Terror", but there are folks out there that swear the terrorists would leave us alone if we would placate them and quit. Cut and Run. Doesn't have a very nice ring to it, does it? Quit. Sounds like your walking away from freshmen soccer. But we are not. We are hip deep in the fight of our lives, and for all the negative press, our military has never lost an engagement with the enemy. Surprised? Well, don't be. The media loves to tell a bad story faster than good news. Apparently, it sells better. So, without much adou, I am hereby asking people to send me good stories from the military, Iraq, their hometown, whatever you deem appropriate, and we are going to get positive here. How about something new, "And now for the good news..." Hope to here from you.

Things change..

Let's see now, am I ready for Christmas? Heck no. I thought this year I'd get a head start , but things have a way of changing rapidly. On Thanksgiving weekend, we returned from nice holiday on the lake at my brother's house. Somewhere about the middle of Texas, I'd guess Sonora or Ozona, the winds kicked up and you could see the West Texas misery floating on the wind, cutting the visiblity to about 50%. As the day wore on and we were blown from side to side on the highway, it almost rocked me to sleep. But, I maintained. I know better. Anywehere else, they'd call it hurricane winds but out here they call it a dust storm. Hours later, we pulled into the driveway and my neighbor came waddling out ( she's a tad large) and told me eagerly that my roof had blown off. "Hmmm. ", is all I could say after driving for twelve hours. Upon opening the side gate to go in the kitchen door, I mummured to myself, " you ain't kidding." My roof was laying all over the backyard. That was a sampling of what lay in store for me.

Last Thursday, my son called me to say hi, only to get to the point. On his way home from work, his ice seeking device, which is attatched somewhere underneath his Ford Ranger, had found the only patch of ice on a bridge in Temple, Texas. I'm not sure exactly how it works, but it looks for the slickest patch of ice and there you go, off and sliding as fast as possible toward the guard rail. Thank God, he wasn't injured, but Allstate called to tell me of the certain demise of his truck today. Damn. I just replaced it two years ago. That time, he let his roommate from college drive for about thirty miles. Might as well have removed the brakes and steering linkage as Angel ( the roommate) had never pulled anything before. Oh, did I leave out the part where they decidied to put a towbar on Angel's jeep and tow it behind a Ranger with no brakes on the rear vehicle? It'll push you across Hell's half acre if you apply the brakes too suddenly, which Angel obviously did and proceeded to send them off the highway and rolled, not one, but two vehicles. Totalled both of them. Both of them hanging upside down from their seatbelts. Lights on, cd still playin' and 28 degrees outside, with the wind howling at 1:30 am. Did I mention the wind blows out here or the fact that Angel was underinsured? What a nightmare. GEICO insurance has permanantly blacklisted in the State of Texas from ever being insured again... Things just keep changing.